the pass 48 hours have been very eye-opening to me. i went to church for the first time since christmas and realized some things. i won’t go into detail, because i would be typing for entirely too long, but i realized that i’ve been focusing and worry about the wrong things. and God made that really apparent on monday. it was one of the hardest days of my life. i had to tell the one who hurt me horribly, that i’m still hurting .. even though it went in one ear & out the other - it had to be said. & now .. it’s dunzo. i know i’ve said this before, but i’ve never been more serious that now. we’re not even friends now because apparently “i couldn’t handle it” - bullshit. i cried & cried & cried. call my friend over to calm me down & cried some more - more like bawling my eyes out. i’m honestly all cried out. all i can do is smile & just know that God is preparing me for something major. i don’t know exactly what it is, but whatever it is, i know i’m gonna be well equipped to deal with it. this was all a learning experience. i’ve learned well & now all my defenses are up for a long time. it is going to take a lot for me to lower them, but i’ll be okay.

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